I was broken too many times before already even if you see, I’m still really young. Sixteen is, right? So then I had this game plan in my mind to actually play the Player. Yeah like, being a player itself than being the one who’s played. I was actually feeling good when college started approaching near and lota of people started praising me. How I look, how much I’ve changed since graduation, how talented I am, and how much I’ve matured. The game plan was the only thing on my mind. “Leave them wanting more. And say you don’t need them anymore.”
But not until I read this story on wattpad (lol) where this girl plans a revenge on the most popular kid in the school who’s also the biggest jerk ever, even hurting her bestfriends in the past. She hates players. They are the reason her sister went into depression so you can just imagine how she really wanted to crush this jerk when she learned he loves her.
But then there’s this part that really struck me the most. She fell in love while in the game (that’s not it), she learned that he loved her truly and wasn’t gonna be a jerk to him (that’s still not it), she got his deepest secret of all time like if it’s gonna be known by the whole student body, he’s gonna be real crushed (still), she told the whole student body about the secret. That’s it. What a heartless bitch, right.
And all the guy said after the show, “You’re always gonna be my first love.”
She hurt him. She hurt the one guy she really loved. She hurt the one guy who actually loved her despite her, being such a bitch. She crushed him. She played him.
That’s when I came into my senses that…. I can’t do this. I mean, the plan was too much, I know it was just a fictional story but it really did impact me. Hard. I mean, how could I play the player when I don’t even know who’s I’m playing with? Hell, I don’t even know if I’m playing with someone. Or if I will be playing with someone.
How could I play the player when first of all, I don’t want to hurt people?
That’s the truth, people. I don’t want to hurt people. Mentally, emotionally or physically. Hell, I don’t even know if I can hurt physically with my small frame. But that’s how I always end up being the one who’s hurt. I always sugar coat all the painful things someone did to me so that this other person won’t be hating on that person. And that they would just hate on me instead of that other person. That’s how I get hurt.
I don’t know how long I’m still going to sugar coat everything. I don’t know how long I’m still going to hurt myself. I just don’t know. All I know is that I don’t wanna hurt other people. I don’t wanna play. I don’t want to play the player anymore ‘cause I know I’ll just end up being the one who’s being played with.
Ewan ko ba. Since high school graduation, ganito na. Natuto na ako makipag socialize. Natuto na ako makipag usap sa mga tao. Dati kasi sobrang aloof hindi. Hindi marunong makipag communicate. Hindi pala kaibigan. Well, palakaibigan naman pero they are the ones na dapat mag approach sa akin. I’m never the one to strike a conversation. Pero ngayon? Iba na.
I wouldn’t say naman na I’ve totally changed. Syempre ako pa rin ‘to. Si Maryflor na mataray ang pagmumukha. Si Maryflor na kwela at baliw baliwan mode palagi. Pero iba na. May nagbago na talaga e.
Natuto na ako makipag kaibigan. Natuto na ako makipag usap. Sobrang dami ko na ngang friends ngayon na nakikilala ko over net. Ewan ko, add, pm, friends! Ganun lang pala kadali yun. Kasi, alam niyo yun? Masarap ung feeling na lumalaki ung circle of friends mo di ba? Haha!
Sana successful ‘tong pagkaka roon ko ng friends via net. For the last two years, I’ve been friends with three awesome Beliebers that I’ve only met through internet. We met at a concert and voila! We’re still friends. And we’renot really awkward in personal. So, astig.
Sana ganun ulit this pasukan. Iba na ‘to. Halos araw araw ko na sila makakasala sa college. Halos araw araw ko na sila makaka salamuha. Sana I can keep a lot of them in my heart as real friends. Sana hindi nila ako iwanan when I’m feeling low. At sana hindi na ulit ako magdrama like the sentence before this. Hihi.
4 Years of One Time
Ah, I am so proud of him right now. I am not a Belieber since this came out but I remember listening to this song and swaying my head to the beat. I really liked this song. I remember getting so excited when I hear this and Baby on the radio! And to this that today marks the 4th year of the song… Woah.
Justin, you’ve come so far already. Don’t let fame get to your head, always stay humble and sweet and kind and loving and adorable and talented and blessed and thoughtful and *after another four years* and swaggy and most of all, God-fearing. Don’t forget we’re always gonna be here for you. Us all Beliebers. We love you and when you smile, we smile. :’)
Just imagining how it feels like to finally work for him… I’m not even imagining I’m as popular as him, or singing a duet with him. I’m imagining me as a part of the crew. To his wardrobe crew. Or road crew. I don’t care. I just want to work with someone as amazing and as dedicated as him to his work… :’)
UST Tiger yan, ih. Credits to Junallane sa headband, ahah! Never thought her gift nung Christmas Party e may meaning sa future ko. Hahaha! :**
Na eexcite ako sa welcome walk! :”>
I had a dream. Kami kaming magkakasama sa iisang room nung retreat. Si Bea, Angge, Izzy, Juna, Gabes and ako! Tapos si Kuya pa, ahah.
Nag start ung panaginip ko nung nasa same room daw kami sa Tahanan Sta. Monica Retreat House sa Tagaytay tapos we’re going to sleep na tapos hindi namamatay ung ilaw kaya I fould it very hard to sleep tapos one time nagising kami lahat except Gabes tapos e ang lakas maghilik ni Gabes, we called her name out loud tapos she was startled and stopped her snoring and woke up. But still after just a while, natulog na ulit siya tapos naghilik na ulit. Haha! Eh di natulog na ulit kami.
The next day, we we’re at this place, I don’t know kung saan yun pero dun ung parang meeting place naming magkakasama. Kahit magkaka iba ng universities. Like, kami ni Izzy, Juna and Gabes, sa UST and then sila Bea and Angge naman, UP-D.
Tapos nag ddoodle si Bea ng, SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK. Hahahahaa! Astig nung part na yun. Di ko alam kung bakit siya nag doodle, ahahaha. Tapos ako naman, na mention ko ung “Bakit mo mahal ang UST?” na video sa YouTube tapos basta! Proud Thomasian ako nun sobra. Hahahah! Tapos dumating si Kuya with a big smile on his face, clearly saying he did a nice job on his first day of college.
YAY US! HAHAHA!
My life without my mom is like a piano without white keys.
Si mama.. Ayaw niyang tinatawag ko siyang “mama”. Gusto niya “mommy”. Basta naaasar siya pag ganun, ahah! Siya yung nanay na, summer na summer, ipapa memorize niya sa’yo ang periodic table of elements para hindi ka mahirapan sa pasukan. Siya yung papagalitan ka kasi nawawala yung kung ano mang gamit niya tapos siya din lang naman ang nakawala. Yung pag galit siya sa isa, ay wag mo na kausapin, baka madamay ka pa. ;)
Pero kahit si mama mainitin ang ulo, masyadong malinis, puro naka “DADDY! Twinkle!”, mahal na mahal ko yan.
Hindi man halata kasi sobrang kulit ko, mahal ko yan. Hindi man halata kasi sobrang hindi ako ung malambing na tao sa magulang, mahal ko yan.
Siya yung nandiyan nung kinailangan ko ng suporta nung akala ko nag iisa nalang ako sa buhay. Siya yung nandiyan nung sobrang kinakabahan ako sa mga contest na sinasalihan ko. Todo alaga siya kapag may sakit ako. Todo bantay pag may gala ako (haha!). Yung yakap niyang sobrang punong puno ng pagmamahal, yun ang pinaka gusto ko sakanya. Mararamdaman mong mahal ka niya. :’) Aw, ang sweet ko dbuh? Tama na. Nobela na. Hihi.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY MA! I love you sooo much. >:D
Kasi umulan habang nag sswimming kami. Hahahahahahaha. -.-“
Not the country, guys. Africa family kasi. As you all know, my middle name is Africa. So, uhm, my grandfather on my mother’s side passed way this May 1. Hindi ako sanay na makipag lamay. Even nung namatay ung lolo ko sa father’s side naman, (just last year), isang araw lang ako bumisita. I don’t know if it’s because I was busy with so many school activities at that time but we all know that we can always have time for our family. Ewan ko ba, hindi ako ganun e. Nakaka asar pa ngang ganun ang ugali ko kasi, seryoso though? Nawawalan ng time for the family? Haha. So anyways, ayun nga. Hindi ako yung taong palasama sa mgfa pinsan. Kung susumahin, mas close talaga ako sa mga pinsan ko sa father’s side. Dalawa dun, kasama ko sa Ilo-Ilo at Boracay last year e. Pero this time, nakipag lamay ako. Sa totoo nga lang, habang bina-blog ko ‘to, nasa lamay ako. We’re doing an overnight stay with some of our relatives sa Africa clan. Cousins, pamangkins, titos, titas, ninong, ninangs, marami! Tapos ayun, hindi maybe I can now say na mas close na ako sa mga pinsan ko ngayon. Hindi ko alam, ahah. Baka ngayon lang ‘to, baka one week lang ‘to. Pag balik nila sa probinsya, wala na. HIndi ko alam.
Magulo pa lahat sa akin ngayon.